Samantha Bee ripped into Texas’ new abortion law, which is the most restrictive in the country, on Wednesday evening, a week after the Supreme Court refused to block the measure, which prohibits abortion after six weeks, when many women are unaware they are pregnant, in a 5-4 decision issued at midnight. The Texas legislation, according to the Full Frontal presenter, “circumvents Roe v Wade and is flagrantly unconstitutional,” as Justice Sonia Sotomayor highlighted in her dissent.
“While the anti-pussy posse at the Supreme Court claimed they were ‘declining to block’ the Texas law on procedural grounds,” Bee continued, “this was just the latest partisan abuse of the court’s shadow docket,” emergency decisions made quickly – in this case, with only three days of consideration – without oral arguments. In this instance, the majority judgment was unsigned and just a paragraph long. “It’s only one paragraph, and it’s unsigned?” Bee snarled, “You fucking cowards!” “If you’re going to take away our reproductive rights, at the very least admit you’re heartless monsters.”
The bill prohibits government authorities from implementing the legislation, but it encourages private people to sue anybody who helps a woman get an abortion — physicians, clinic employees, Uber drivers – and offers a $10,000 prize for a successful case. Bee quipped, “Although you know people are going to be pissed when that money only comes in Jesus bucks.” “They’re only available at Hobby Lobby, and even then, only for pipe cleaners and long sticks.”
“They’re incentivizing neighbors to turn on each other for cash,” Stephen Colbert says of Texas’ new abortion legislation. Fans of privacy rights will be disappointed, but The Handmaid’s Tale, which received a late Emmy nomination for best documentary, will rejoice.”
“However, Texas lawmakers aren’t just playing around,” she said. The legislation avoids constitutional objections because to the concept of “sovereign immunity,” which enables individuals to sue states only if they’re suing a state employee who implements a law. “Can you imagine if any of these useless twits put as much creativity and time into helping the millions of American children who don’t have a safe place to live or food to eat?” Bee was perplexed.
“It’s hard not to want to walk right into our rapidly rising oceans and never return, as soul-crushing as it is to see how worthless our supreme court has become,” Bee said, referring to groups like the Lilith Fund, Texas Equal Access Fund, and the Afiya Center fighting back in Texas. “We must fight this oppressive law, as well as any that follow it, because no one should be forced to give birth.”
On Wednesday’s Late Night, Seth Meyers remarked, “You don’t have to look very far for bad news these days.” “The damage from Hurricane Ida was so severe in New York City that there were rivers flowing into people’s homes and cars floating in 5 feet of water. The flooding was so severe that the subway resembled a raging river.”
“Climate change is undeniable, as it has been for a long time,” he added. “This summer, much of the [western United States] has been on fire, wildfires have spread across the country and made the air toxic on the east coast, and New York City has just declared its first-ever flash flood emergency. Pizza Rat has taken up water ballet since things have become so bad.”
Meyers also mentioned the Texas abortion ban, which was upheld by the state’s highest court in a last-minute, late-night ruling. “That’s right, they did it in the middle of the night, in less than a page, in the same way a rich kid half-assesses a freshman English paper because he knows he won’t fail out,” Meyers said.
“Despite never commanding majority support from the American people, they gutted a woman’s right to choose in Texas, and who knows where else next, and they don’t give a fuck because they’re there for life,” he added. “I mean, why not have a fucking monarchy if that’s how our government is going to work?” At the very least, we’d have more messy tabloid drama and a Netflix program called The Gavel, in which the males are portrayed by actors who are much more attractive than the real royals.”
Stephen Colbert is a comedian who is well-known for
On Wednesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert stated, “There’s a new [coronavirus] variant in town, and it’s called Mu.” The variation, which has been discovered in 167 individuals in Los Angeles County, is named after the 12th letter of the Greek alphabet, not than the Pokemon Mu, as Colbert had assumed. “In any case, you need to get vaccinated or you’ll catch them all.”
Mu was been designated as a “variant of interest” by the World Health Organization.
“OK, that’s what we call ‘buzz’ in the PR world,” Colbert joked. “A ‘variant of interest,’ as opposed to a ‘variant of concern,’ as Delta is classified. “Variant of interest,’ ‘variant of concern,’ ‘variant of pants-crapping,’ also known as ‘code brown,’ and finally, ‘variant of is there any more room on Jeff Bezos’s penis rocket to escape the planet?’” says the grading system.
The vaccinations may not work against Mu, according to the WHO, since the variation has the ability to escape immune responses produced by a “constellation of mutations” – “a constellation also known as The Big Downer,” Colbert said.
“However, there is some good-ish news out there,” he added, noting that 75% of US people have received at least one dose of a Covid vaccination, “suggesting that this life-saving vaccine is just slightly more popular than me shaving off my mustache.”
Thanks to Adrian Horton at The Guardian whose reporting provided the original basis for this story.
