As a relationship specialist, I’ve been in touch with hundreds of men who’ve had their relationship end badly.
They’ve come to me with many questions: How do I get over my breakup? How do I get my ex back?
How do I know if he’s serious about us ending or not? Where should I meet him to start talking to him? Etc. etc.
This piece will help them figure out where to start, how to approach the situation, what to expect, and how to deal with it if it happens to you. Let’s dive in.
Before we dive in, let me tell you what your ex can do with your social media and how to stop it.
I’ll be focusing on Instagram, but the ideas and techniques can easily be applied to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc.
First, a brief history of stalking
Social media and technology have been around for quite some time. The average American is a cellphone owner and if not, then they have a smartphone.
Because of this, we are able to have the capability to communicate with our partner at any time. We have mobile devices that we can easily swipe, type in, and post to wherever we choose.
As we continue to evolve, our relationships change. Many people find a significant other in their mid-20’s or later.
By the time we are in our late 20’s and early 30’s, we are no longer in the commitment-driven, romantic stages of our relationship, and the lust stage has set in.
We’re more than ready to settle down and the ease of having access to other’s social media and emails becomes a major turn on to many people, especially those who don’t want commitment or those who are not looking for one.
But now that you’ve joined the world of relationships, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty of what to do if you discover your partner is cheating on you.
How does stalking work?
For a short overview, let’s break stalking down into a few points:
Getting access to the other person’s email
While many people think that getting access to another person’s email is all it takes to get a lead on their whereabouts, that’s not the case.
If someone is smart, they can block you from viewing their emails.
Here’s a list of the steps you need to do in order to gain access to their email:
Log onto Google and go to ‘Sign in with your Google Account’. Click the gear icon and select ‘Sign in with a social account’.
Then sign in to their email and you will be able to get access to their inbox. To disable this, go into the browser on your phone and find the address where they log in.
If they use Gmail, it will probably have the same name.
Click the gear icon and select ‘New’. Enter the email address and then click ‘Use’ when you’re done.
You will be given the option to make a backup copy of the address or you can select ‘Uncheck’ and you will lose the email address as a backup.
A few quick tips about Gmail: If you’re wondering if you can sign in with any other account, simply select ‘Uncheck’ when you’re done.
In order to add a backup address, you will need to sign in to the ‘gmail.com’ domain and click ‘Follow’ under ‘Sign in to a different account’.
Being on your partner’s phone
Next up, this is the easiest way to gain access to your partner’s phone.
They don’t typically keep their phones on lock or even on WiFi, and in my experience, no one is more annoying than when they put their phone down to text someone or take a call.
Most of us are guilty of this and we do it because we’re busy and we don’t want to be distracted. Even though we know that this is a bad habit, we still continue to do it.
Here are a few quick tips on how to gain access to your partner’s phone:
While you are working from home, try logging into the company computer and go to the same address that you use for everything. For example, if they work at a law firm, make a trip over to the law firm.
Even if you don’t work in the same location, make a trip to a coffee shop that you frequent. This will make you an obvious person in the area.
If they use something like Gmail for work, it will be easy to log in. If they use a different email account, you will need to use a fake email account to make it look legit.
For those of you who want to go more stealthy, you can actually go into your device, turn off the phone, and put it into Airplane mode. Then plug your phone into the charger and let it charge for 10 minutes.
Then turn the phone on and back up.
What to do if you encounter your partner in public
Ok, so now that you’ve gained access to your partner’s phone, what’s next? It’s time to put this to use, but before you do that, it’s best to take a few precautions.
Here are a few things you need to be aware of when engaging in stalkery activities:
If you see your partner in public, keep it minimal. These are the days and times that we feel most nervous and avoid people if possible.
Since they are in public, don’t do things like get in their line of sight and/or follow them around or block their view when they walk into a room.
Instead, slowly make your way around the room or take a seat at a different table. If they’re in the middle of something, wait for them to finish.
If you are confronting them in public, keep it to yourself and avoid raising your voice. Many times, we get angry with the people that we love, especially if they aren’t reacting in a way that is beneficial to us. Let them speak to you, and let them respond to what you’re saying.
Don’t bother mentioning that they are married unless you are talking to a police officer. If you are on the phone with a police officer, make sure that you are not using your phone while you are in the car.
Inform the police of what is going on.
If you choose to follow them, use two different cell phones and email accounts. The same goes for your partner.
When you are following them, always make a second copy of your own phone’s contact list in case one of your contact’s phone gets lost or stolen.
Don’t give out the exact number that you are calling. Instead, find a number that you think is appropriate.
For example, I have my husband’s number in my contacts, and my number is in my husbands contacts.
If your partner has children, have them call the police and report that you are following them.
In this day and age, it is important that we understand that we can’t have the ability to control other people or their phones.