Isn’t it true that no one wants it to be 2021? The globe is on fire, and populist populism threatens to overthrow democracy as we know it as a violent worldwide epidemic enters its third year. Some individuals have attempted to modify things in response to these horrible times. Others are wishing for a return to a simpler time.
By “others,” I mean Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson, who are attempting to recreate the year 2005. How? That’s how: by producing a romcom.
Marry Me would have been one of the year’s greatest successes if it had been released a decade and a half earlier, bringing together the formidable forces behind Maid in Manhattan and Wedding Crashers. But it’s 2021, not 2005, and the idea of Lopez and Wilson stumbling through a romcom together is perplexing. Going through the Marry Me trailer beat by beat can be helpful.
Jennifer Lopez is a well-known actress. She portrays Jennifer Lopez in Marry Me, a gorgeous, sensual pop diva with millions of followers. She does a dance.
She performs a song. She makes self-aware uncomfortable positions in front of numerous brands since she isn’t opposed to blatant commercial placement. Her life is flawless.
Lopez’s most outrageous stunt is yet to come. She’ll be releasing a tune called Marry Me, which she’ll play alongside her fiancé, during an internationally livestreamed performance in which – you guessed it – she’ll marry him, any day now. There isn’t anything that could possibly go wrong.
Let me introduce you to Owen Wilson. In Marry Me, he portrays a newly divorced mathematics teacher with Sarah Silverman as his closest friend. I’m sure you’re thinking something along those lines.
This will be a film about Jennifer Lopez marrying her boyfriend and Owen Wilson falling in love with Sarah Silverman, both of whom are extremely happy and never meet. Of course you believe it. That would make a great movie.
But, since this is Marry Me, Jennifer Lopez finds that her boyfriend has been cheating on her the night before her performance. I understand what you’re thinking. You believe Jennifer Lopez will postpone the release of her song, cancel the performance, and work through her feelings in a healthy, private setting until she is more prepared to face the public. Of course you believe it. That’s exactly what you’d do.
But, since this is Marry Me, Jennifer Lopez appears on stage in a wedding gown and asks a generic 50-year-old guy in the audience to be her spouse. I’m sure you’re thinking something along those lines.
You’re thinking Owen Wilson was just divorced and isn’t ready to jump into another relationship, especially one that entails marrying one of the world’s most renowned ladies in full public view. Of course you believe it. That’s something only a psychopath would do.
However, this is Marry Me. Instead, they have a full-fledged Married at First Sight relationship, and their lives are devastated instantly. Because, after all, isn’t this a bad idea? Isn’t this the stuff of psychological terror?
No. This is the world of cinema. What happens is that their marriage – brace yourselves – really works. Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson may have very different lifestyles, yet they are both open to change and eager to learn from one another.
Owen Wilson learns how to appear in press conferences just to excuse his wife’s choice to promote a mediocre new song by endangering the life of a total stranger from Jennifer Lopez.
In exchange, Owen Wilson teaches Jennifer Lopez how to appreciate some of life’s simpler pleasures, such as riding a large wheel at a theme park that his wife had reserved exclusively for the night. See? It’s delightful.
And because this is a romcom, you already know what happens next. Their union has various difficulties, but they strive together to overcome them. They had sex after six weeks.
Jennifer Lopez then mooses into a microphone like a cow. It’s finally over. It’s all very standard rom-com fare.
Thanks to Stuart Heritage at The Guardian whose reporting provided the original basis for this story.
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Frank DiBernardo handles LNGFRM's Foodie and Miscellaneous writing tasks. He's always getting ideas from users, so don't be afraid to send an email to the editor.
