Jimmy Kimmel: ‘Exciting news for everyone except the Space Force’
Regarding a NASA effort to crash a spacecraft with an asteroid, Jimmy Kimmel said: ‘Really exciting news for everyone, except the Space Force. “Can’t you let us have anything?” they ask. Image via YouTube Late-night hosts talk about the Russian military conscription, NASA’s planetary defense shot, and fake elections in eastern Ukraine. Jimmy Kimmel Jimmy […]
By
LNGFRM Team
Published September 29, 2022
Regarding a NASA effort to crash a spacecraft with an asteroid, Jimmy Kimmel said: ‘Really exciting news for everyone, except the Space Force. “Can’t you let us have anything?” they ask. Image via YouTube
Late-night hosts talk about the Russian military conscription, NASA’s planetary defense shot, and fake elections in eastern Ukraine.
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel applauded NASA’s effort to strike an asteroid with a spacecraft traveling at 15,000 mph in an attempt to change the course of space objects that may collide with Earth in the future.
According to some, the Dart (Double Asteroid Redirection Test) mission is the first planetary defense mission ever, which Kimmel remarked is “exciting news really for everyone other than the Space Force.” “Can’t you let us have anything?” they ask.
According to Kimmel, the rocket weighed roughly 1,000 pounds, “which is kind of amazing.” Two big pigs weigh a combined 1,000 pounds. The strategy used by NASA to save humanity from extinction is essentially the opposite of Angry Birds.
Kimmel also made fun of the NASA staff members’ embraces and high-fives in the control room after the successful asteroid hit. “I believe that this control room standing ovation moment is half the reason you choose to work for NASA. The lamest high-fives you have ever seen were given out after these individuals shot at and struck an asteroid that was more than 7 million miles distant.
Stephen Colbert
The House Select Committee postponed the next hearing on January 6th, which was scheduled to take place on Wednesday, as Hurricane Ian headed straight for Florida. Stephen Colbert wished everyone in Florida a safe trip. “If you can, get out of the storm’s path, please.
“Worst-case scenario, tell Ron DeSantis you’re Venezuelan, maybe he gives you a free plane ride to Martha’s Vineyard,” he added.
According to recent foreign news, Putin’s war in Ukraine has been going so poorly that he ordered a draft, which caused many Russians to leave their country. Hotlines have received calls from those who haven’t been able to escape asking how to surrender.
Colbert referred to a video showing a squad of Russian troops being told to carry tampons to the frontlines to shove into gunshot wounds and remarked, “I know why they want to pre-emptively surrender. Tampons to close wounds from gunshots? That is terrible. Additionally, it is awkward to request.
The official monogram for King Charles III was also made public by Buckingham Palace. “You who claim that the monarchy is a stale institution that achieves nothing, take that! They. Release. Monograms,” Colbert jokingly said.
The letters C for Charles and R for Rex are entwined in the new logo “for years of in-breeding,” Colbert quipped.
Trevor Noah
Putin's latest move? Forcing people in Ukraine to vote on being part of Russia…at gunpoint. pic.twitter.com/8KdSn1UikV
Trevor Noah also reviewed the fake elections that were organized in eastern Ukraine to support Russia’s takeover of the region on The Daily Show. “Russian military are compelling people to vote to join Russia by going door to door. And as a result, 97% of the votes were in favor of Putin, he said.
But let’s be honest, I mean. These voters have a “choice” to not accept cookies on that website, just as we do, he stated. “So what if I choose not to see the aging of kid stars? What kind of a decision is that?
However, Noah did ponder, “Who the heck is the 3%? Who had the guts to continue to cast their vote against Putin while his troops watched them cast their votes?
On paper, it seems that around 97% of “voters” in the “election” approve joining Russia as a result of the staged referendums. Why, in all honesty, did they even go through this? Like going door to door and forcing everyone to sign nonsense just so you could do what you’re already doing, said Noah. It’s one thing to take over a town and then demolish all of its structures, right? to then need them to complete paperwork? Evil exists in two states: before and after.
Thanks to Guardian staff at The Guardian whose reporting provided the original basis for this story.
Frank DiBernardo handles LNGFRM's Foodie and Miscellaneous writing tasks. He's always getting ideas from users, so don't be afraid to send an email to the editor.
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